Sunday, July 8, 2012

Sunday's rain


Sunday’s rain, the times
grow soggy—print blurs, I doze
and pull you closer.

This was my first attempt, 5-7-5.


Sunday's rain
print blurs--dozing I
pull you close

sparser still, 3-5-3.

Written for Haiku Heights, "vital"

13 comments:

Jim said...

Six not vital words, gone.
I miss the 'Sunday Times'
..

otterblossom said...

the second is quite poignant

Jaideep said...

talented!,. I will still vote for 3-5-3!

gabrielle said...

Thanks, Jim. I agree sometimes less is more. Hurray for you for finding one of the buried messages. What prompted the piece was a mental image of the Sunday Times sitting on the stoop during a downpour.

Thanks for your visit and your vote, otterblossom. I am glad you enjoyed it.

Thank you Jaideep for your kind words.

Green Speck said...

I love the 3-5-3 ... quite philosophical :-)

awalkinmyheart said...

Very well done. I love them.

Aakriti said...

Hey Gabrielle wasit ur very first haiku?:) sweet ones, the set.

jaerose said...

There is something quite comforting about this rain..be snuggled up with someone inside..jae

Grace said...

I like the use of rain in the haiku as it gives it depth and meaning ~

http://everydayamazin.blogspot.ca/

Mad Kane said...

Nicely done.
Madeleine Begun Kane

Sandra said...

nice...deep!!

SandyCarlson said...

You capture a beautiful, intimate, and languid moment in so few words--a moment the wants few words. Such a beautiful Sunday--and who needs the news?

Thanks for your encouraging words in response to my poem. You made my morning.

Loredana Donovan said...

I love the 3-5-3. You captured a single moment with emotion and vivid images. :)