Sunday’s rain, the times
grow soggy—print blurs, I doze
and pull you closer.
This was my first attempt, 5-7-5.
print blurs--dozing I
pull you close
sparser still, 3-5-3.
Written for Haiku Heights, "vital"
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12 comments:
Six not vital words, gone.
I miss the 'Sunday Times'
..
the second is quite poignant
talented!,. I will still vote for 3-5-3!
Thanks, Jim. I agree sometimes less is more. Hurray for you for finding one of the buried messages. What prompted the piece was a mental image of the Sunday Times sitting on the stoop during a downpour.
Thanks for your visit and your vote, otterblossom. I am glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you Jaideep for your kind words.
I love the 3-5-3 ... quite philosophical :-)
Very well done. I love them.
Hey Gabrielle wasit ur very first haiku?:) sweet ones, the set.
There is something quite comforting about this rain..be snuggled up with someone inside..jae
I like the use of rain in the haiku as it gives it depth and meaning ~
http://everydayamazin.blogspot.ca/
Nicely done.
Madeleine Begun Kane
nice...deep!!
You capture a beautiful, intimate, and languid moment in so few words--a moment the wants few words. Such a beautiful Sunday--and who needs the news?
Thanks for your encouraging words in response to my poem. You made my morning.
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