Monday, January 18, 2010

In my old bedroom

Thanks to The Dark Lord, who brings us "chaos" this week at One Single Impression.

Sorry I haven’t been by to visit this past week. We had an out of town guest staying with us and I haven’t had an opportunity to keep up. Looking forward to sampling various flavors of chaos flowing from your pens.

“The past is never dead, it is not even past.” William Faulkner

This poem is about incest: metallic taste of fear, retinal sear, a child frozen in time.

In my old bedroom
you come and go
as you please

oiled skin of night
just outside
the window
sleek finned cars
transport lives

headlights skitter
up the walls
green like lizards
calling no attention
to themselves

I lie very still
trying to make sense of
cracks in the ceiling
long after you are gone.


Cloudia said...


Aloha, Friend

Comfort Spiral

Amity said...

such a lonely and devastating experience of an innocent child. how many in our community are victims of such social ill?

truly a very chaotic experience, innocence ripped by vultures and evil people.

the walking man said...

I have found this to be a common feeling in some of my women friends and I really do not understand why? What would you term this feeling in one word, not chaos though.

Anonymous said...
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Loch Rob said...

The description and words are haunting. Something I cannot fathom though have prayers for recovery. Such hurt and waste wrapped in senselessness. If this is you, my heart goes out to you.

Anonymous said...

This is a delicate subject that you have handled with such finesse. I can feel the chaos in the deception of an innocent child who is forced to believe she should trust him, they say she should trust him, he says she should trust him, but then why does it FEEL so bad? It's like a ball of twisted and knotted yarn you can never really unravel but will eventually have to cut loose.

Jim said...

Sometimes it's a lonesome world and we seem all alone, used, and abandoned.
Other times we might enjoy some solitude. Those times we don't really care about the 'cracks in the ceiling.'
Very nicely said, Gabrielle.

Anonymous said...

great write..

Andy Sewina said...


My heart goes out to the narrator!

The Write Girl said...

What a riveting and emotional piece. Your words touch the pain and darkness of those who are abused and lost.

SandyCarlson said...

Chilling, as Cloudia said. The disembodied thoughts suggest the pain. I am devastated with this child, even from here.

Quiet Paths said...

This is so well done. That third stanza is charmed with wonderful images and the finale is great.

Anonymous said...

Holy Sh*t... This just knocked me over. I have never (*never*) read something so visceral.

Patti said...

wow- tough subject expressed well through your thoughts. Chaos? Most definately!

Jeeves said...

This is chilling and really appalling that someone has to go through such trauma. You have spinned a wonderful one here

TomCat said...


if said...

...experiences that change lives...your words give us an amazing picture of that situation...!

PS the Pratsie said...

saddenning !

Tumblewords: said...

Touching, chilling. Well written.

lissa said...

devastating - that's the only word that comes up when I read this

JP/deb said...

I've had people close to me who are victims of incest ... this gives me a deeper understanding of the pain.

So well written.

gabrielle said...

Thank you to everyone who responded. I know this was a difficult topic.

Cloudia - Aloha and thank you.

Amity - There are many. Thanks for the comfort you bring.

Mark -For this girl, it’s the first time she has published. She is safe now and she feels less alone.
After all these years, still finding words to describe the experience.
It feels pretty much like in the poem, but in present time.
A recurring nightmare you cannot wake from.
A pervasive sense of dread and nausea,
A heightened awareness to pain and pleasure.
Diving into the dilated pupil,
hoping against hope for invisibility,
No words to describe what’s on the other side.
Maintaining a phantom presence – the minimum required as a placeholder to occupy one’s life.

Loch Rob - thank you for your tenderness.

cascondaville - In this girl’s world, the abuser suffered intense and protracted trauma; she was sacrificed on the alter of his pain.

Jim - feeling less alone now.

emptygarden - thank you.

Andy Sewina - thank you for your open heart.

The Write Girl - Thank you. This write was meant to break the silence and to bring those that feel lost into the circle.

Sandy Carlson - Thank you. Disembodied is as close as it comes.

Quiet Paths - Thank you. I wanted this to be beautiful.

Shadowplay1 - thank you for your vulnerability.

Patti - Thanks for understanding. The trauma lodges itself in your being.

Jeeves - thank you for your empathy.

Tomcat - Thank you for your visit.

if - this is what i was hoping for. thank you.

PS - thank you.

Tumblewords - thank you for your kind words.

lissa - your kind heart, much appreciated.

JB - Thank you. This was my intention.

sm said...
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Cloudia said...


sanjeet said...

truly a very chaotic experience, innocence ripped by vultures and evil people.
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